Where ya off to now?

Hello ol' friends! It has once again been some time since we last connected. I haven’t forgotten you, I just haven’t had much to say... or at least anything worthy of a post, or that I have been able to put into words.

In the last month, I have had two really incredible opportunities to speak to current students of my undergraduate program at Acadia University - Environmental and Sustainability Studies (ESST). One was at ESST Camp, where I was tasked with trying to put a little hope in the what happens after we graduate bubble, and the other was recounting my life story for International Community Development. It was a tremendous honour to have been asked to both occasions, especially since giving back to the program that sent me on my path is top priority. Plus, it’s always great to be welcomed to the familiar sights and smells of Camp Mockingee, or a late night stroll throughout the tranquil campus, which is currently painted with beautiful fall colours.

Throwback to one of my very first posts.
I have far less stuff coming with me this time!

Earlier today, I was rushing to get a myriad of tasks done. I failed at several of them, but they weren’t life or death, so we can let them go for now. As I jumped into my car and began the drive to the airport, I became overwhelmed by all of the emotions I haven’t really had time to feel. My return to Canada has been difficult, and in ways I never anticipated. I continue to struggle with my identity in terms of home and place, but I’m getting there. I have acquired a new job, which has surrounded me with a group of ladies who are all weird, wonderful, and supportive in all the right ways, and have made me feel part of the family from day one!

But today’s drive was a bit different. I once again packed a bag, albeit this time quite last minute (and I’m fairly certain I have forgotten most of what I actually need!), and made my way to the next adventure. The level of stress I have been living over the past few weeks has been at about a 9. Today felt more live 11, if the scale is between 1 and 10.

I have seen a lot of changes in my life over the last year. I’ve accomplished some pretty amazing things, and learned a lot about who I am, what I’m capable of, and that failure isn’t really a thing. Yet today, on that highway, I began to tear up - slightly out of panic, partly out of not having eaten yet (at 2pm), but mostly because it’s really the first time I’ve given myself a chance to really sit back and think about it all (while trying to piece together a small talk I’m supposed to be giving in a few days). And over the next few days, I’m going to build on that - leaving my beautiful pup at home, in the capable hands of one of my best friends, and jetting off to see how much fight I have left in me for my Uganda project.

What many don’t realize is the toll my burnout has taken on me. It’s tiring to constantly be trying to figure out how to make the world better, how to help the people who have had such an enormous impact on your life, and just how to live, and for the right reasons. And despite all of that, the tiredness, the long hours I’ve been putting in the past 6 weeks in particular, I realized that all of that is pretty tremendous. I have much to be proud of, just as I have endless supplies of gratitude for all that I have been able to see, experience, and do so far. And I want to stress that so far bit, because I’m only getting started!

So, I shall report back to you all very soon. I don’t know what the report shall reveal, but that’s where I’m at. Two more flights, and many more hours to go, but I know it will all be worth it.

-the Orange Canadian