Monday 27 June 2016

The Next Stage in Healing

Every time I log on to my LinkedIn account and it makes those suggestions that are intended to improve your profile, I always have to take a double take of this one:


That's because every time, I first read it as "do you have any parents?" And while I'm not completely without parents, at least officially anyway, it still takes my breath for a few microseconds*. That pain and loneliness that comes from missing a parent returns, and the process continues.

I have to say, I have an overwhelming amount of friends that find themselves in the same position as me - not taken back by LinkedIn's suggestion but - without parent or parents. As both Mother's and Father's Day recently passing, it has become abundantly clear that I am not in this alone. But it also makes me feel incredibly sad that so many of the people I love know this same emptiness.

Since returning home from Uganda, one of my big tasks has been downsizing the storage unit that housed all of the items I kept after preparing Mom's house for sale. I definitely have much to get rid off, but it is amazing just what I felt, in those emotionally charged and dazed moments, was essential to keep her memory and my memory of her alive. Many boxes and bins were filled with crap not even Value Village** would accept!

The process is still ongoing, as there continues to remain several bins of books and various other items. So what's the hold up? It's draining... emotionally. Every container opened is also opening a flood of memories - both good and bad. They drag up the feelings of those first hours, days, weeks and months without her. They remind me of what she's missed out on, and what she won't see in the future. It's selfish to an extent, to miss her being there for these sorts of things (not the cleaning... although, her help would have been appreciated!).

I write a lot about her... and the loss. That in and of itself gets tiring. Missing her, grieving, and trying to move forward is tiring. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, which is exactly why I feel sad when I recognize that it's not just me going through all of these things. And, it's not even just about the loss of a parent, it's loss in general.

"They" say all heals over time. "They" say we don't forget or lose the pain, but learn to live with it. I say, haven't we all done enough learning? When is it nap time?!

-the Orange Canadian

*Actually a thing! Check it out here.
**For those of you unfamiliar, Value Village is a chain of second-hand stores across the US and Canada.

Tuesday 14 June 2016

Eric's Big Harbour Adventure: An unexpected IYIP mini-reunion

In a world as small as Halifax - and international development in Halifax, at that! - it was bound to happen the the three IYIPers remaining in Nova Scotia's capital would find themselves at the International Assistance Review! Although I kind of figured we'd all be there, it also took me completely by surprise that my other two cohorts were there, one of which (my gladiating opponent*) was at the same table as me!

After the lengthy day, we decided to catch up over a round of drinks and some dinner. This, of course, lead to shenanigans.

While waiting for the bus - and having all the other participants of the Review wave to us as they drove by in their mostly half-filled vehicles - Eric made a comment about how he had never been on the Halifax-Dartmouth ferry. Obviously this had to be corrected. So instead of taking the bus directly to downtown Halifax where our hangry bodies were planning on caching up, we took a different bus to downtown Dartmouth, and made our way to Halifax via the ferry.

A snapshot from our walk to the ferry terminal in Dartmouth, with downtown Halifax
on the right. I don't really know why this photograph is so dark - it was lovely outside!
I was a little worried about how Eric would manage this big journey - it's a pretty lengthy 12-ish minutes, after all. But Nicole and I were there to support him and make sure he didn't get too scared. This of course meant we insisted he have his picture taken on various stages of the trip.

Pre-departure excitement!
A nice little we're on the move shot, with downtown Halifax in the backdrop.
But folks, don't worry - we made it to Halifax safe and sound. And with all that excitement, we had worked ourselves up quite the appetite.

Celebrating his accomplishment - crossing the Big Harbour!
Just before I took this picture of the three of us, I made a comment
about not being good at self-photographs. Case in point. Also, I'm
 pretty sure you couldn't find a more Caucasian trio if you tried...
In all honesty, though, it was a great (early) evening. We laughed, caught up, and tried to grasp how Eric - who is not from Nova Scotia - seemed to be the only one of the three of us knowledgeable about Halifax! It also reinforced just how old we (I) are getting - we had to call it a night a 8pm, and I walked home in my dress** and sneakers...

-the Orange Canadian

*It turns out he didn't let me win, he's just a wuss! Kidding - it was freakin' hard!!
**When we boarded the bus, the lady driving asked if we were going out for a night on the town, because we were all dressed smartly from the conference! Little did she know...

Sunday 12 June 2016

Recap of the Halifax International Assistance Review

It's hard to believe it's almost halfway through June. And perhaps it's even harder to believe that I have been neglecting the blogging world for a few weeks.

Not much has been going on aside form adjusting to work life, catching up with friends, and putting the details together for the next year. Being as I didn't think anyone would be interested to hear* about the job that reminds me on a daily basis that a desk job with the Federal government - while it pays nice - is not where I see myself long term. It is, surprisingly, a little more interesting than I'd thought it would be!

Anyway, I now have something exciting to talk about. I got business cards.

Actually, a week or so ago I received an invitation to attend one of six consultative meetings for Global Affairs Canada's** International Assistance Review. This was a pretty big deal, I thought, given that they are attended by invitation only - an invitation I received through my connection to the Atlantic Council for International Cooperation (the organization that sent me to Uganda). This, of course, became even more of a big deal when I was informed it would broadcast live online for anyone interested to see***. Why this made me nervous, I do not know.

Prior to the meeting we were given a copy of the recently published discussion paper for us to review.  The paper includes six thematic areas ranging from health, security, environment and humanitarianism. Then, as part of the RSVP, we were to select two of these areas that we were most interested in discussing. I initially selected Clean economic growth and climate change and Delivering Results in that order, but eventually switched it up. And I was really glad that I did.

But speaking to the discussion paper, I have to say I was disappointed. It's not that I thought it was going to blow my mind with meaningful, thoughtful or impressive knowledge, but I guess I had hoped it would be a little more than a few short (half empty) pages that barely scratched the surface of these complex topics. Now, I know that point of the paper is to spark discussion while giving a basic overview, but its pages weren't the only thing I thought seemed empty...

Back to the actual topic at hand... the Review. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised to find the room not completely occupied by a bunch of middle-aged, white men, as I've witnessed in past events (the WTO conference, for example!). In fact there was an interesting collage of middle-aged white men, youth - both university students or new entrants of the employment world - and everyone in between. It was also attended by several students of the Coady Institute, which gave insight from a wide range of countries outside of Canada and the West. And for that, I'd say it was a pretty solid gathering, although, there could certainly have been a wider range of participants, particularly from the category of we don't care about development!

If you look REALLY closely, you can see my sweater on the left of the audience picture.
Twitter Credit: @CanadaDev
The event had a pretty basic agenda: opening remarks, a few conversation starters from the panelists, followed by an open Q&A and a lengthy table discussion. The first bit was pretty surface level. Some key points were made - especially about the need to place emphasis on small and medium sized organizations, as opposed to the larger multinationals****.

But there were some other facts, as well, that hurt - such as the beautiful argument that was thrown around frequently concerning the welcoming of 25 000 refugees earlier this year and what sparked the theme of my Masters dissertation. You know, the we spend too much money on 'those people' argument. Well, because of the Review, I now have an even better comeback than the 'ol we're all humans rebuttal. In turns out, some European country spends about $60 per person per year on international development. The UK sits at around $18, and the US at $9 something. Where does Canada lie, you ask? Each year, Canada spends a measly $7.79 per person per year on foreign assistance. SO next time you decide to make some snarky, unsubstantiated comment about how we're taking too much money from other important initiatives*****, just think, you're only giving the equivalent of the cost of a meal at McDonalds each year... without the eventual risk of heart disease or weight gain.

Based on the recaps at the end of the event, the table discussions were fairly productive. I sat at the delivering results table, which focused on the how of Global Affairs action plan going forward. While there was some meaningful discussion, it was surface-level, at best. I mean, you can't really get into it when you only have 60 minutes to answer some pretty heavy questions. That being said, we touched on a range of topics, from the discrepancy of aid worker salaries compared to that of locals, the idea of pooling funding to avoid duplication of like projects, and the need for transparency and accountability from both sides (meaning Canada and the host/recipient country).

For me, however, the most important topic that came up, was in regards to the who (and no, I don't mean the famous '60s band!). Our facilitator made note of the infamous US$1.25 a day baseline measure for poverty. The use of this dollar figure (or whatever it is now at) has always bothered me for many reasons (mostly the rationale that money is the basis and only purpose of everything!). It was at this point that I remarked the need to redefine the end goal - is it merely to get the more than 3 billion people living in poverty today to a state of achieving an income greater than US$1.25 a day, but allow them to remain vulnerable, or to achieve something better?!

This has been one of the great debates of the last many decades in the development world, and yet, here we are, 2016, and still trying to decide what the plan is. I remarked that the conversations surrounding this and development as a whole are superficial at best, and never actually tackle the topic at hand - the need to build capacity and to remove the vulnerability, instead of the bandaid approach we continue to default to. This of course received mixed feedback, with one commenter suggesting I was correct, although perhaps a bit crude in my wording. But that was exactly the point - we need to stop sugar coating everything and start making people uncomfortable. Another of my fellow table discussers brought up the idea of needing to start a wave of Canadians seeking change... in the right way. And while I completely agree, I have to think -  how will that ever be accomplished if we're too afraid to upset anyone******?!

These consultations are part of a process that the current Government has been rolling out across many different departments. They are a means for Canadians to have their say in the future direction of our country. Sadly, these are the first consultations that have taken place related to Canada's international development program in 20 years*******!!

But aside from the closed doors, invite-only sessions in Canada and abroad, everyone else willing to give a few minutes of their time can also have their say! All you have to do is head to the International Assistance Review's webpage, and go to the online questionnaire. The questions found here are the same we worked with during the table discussions. You can also participate via electronic and snail mail - you just have to do so before July 31st! So please, just as I urged all of my fellow Canadians to get out and vote, I also encourage you to have your voice heard in any and all of these consultative processes - even if you're not an expert in that field!

Sorry if this all seemed a bit choppy - passion tends to do that to me from time to time, as you may have also come to learn! It was an incredible experience to have been a part of, and I'm really grateful for it.  I will also contribute further through the online questionnaire, as I think this is a unique and important opportunity - even if it doesn't make any significant impact! The ability to share my knowledge and experience, with the potential of influencing a positive path for a country I love and am proud to be from. Okay, now I'm getting sappy... I better end this!

-the Orange Canadian

*If trying to fill in things to update a blog with is this difficult, how do people maintain Twitter accounts? Clearly my life is not that exciting! This is also how I know I'm getting old... I just don't get Twitter. What's the point of it? I digress...
**Formerly CIDA and more recently DFATD. 
***That was until my wonderful brother reminded me that no one would be tuning in - turns out he was wrong!
****Which could arguably be seen as creating a lot of the mess we're in today...
*****In no way am I suggesting that many of those initiatives that have been thrown into the discussion are less important, but neither are they necessarily more so, either.
******This one subject could easily be the topic of an entire series of posts, or a full length paper or book, for that matter (and believe me - there are already plenty available!!). But I would encourage anyone reading this to have a think about that.
*******That means that the last time this sector was looked at in any detail, I was daydreaming about my pending marriage to Brian from the Backstreet Boys!